If This Was REEF Advertising...

...I'd be complaining - but there's a surfer in the picture - so that's OK then. I owe somebody from another wave-related blog a "thank you" for the image but for the life of me I can't remember who needs the nod. Apologies.

Anway, I still won't wear REEF. Scoring women out of ten for the perceived perfection of their posteriors as a way to highlight a brand ranks alongside pushers peddling "Twin Towers Heroin" for taking tastelessness to a high.

And still the REEFsters peddle their wares. Hows about Miss REEF Chile 2007 for just an example? Maybe REEF don't give a damn as long as the $/£/Yen keeps rollin' in. If, like me, you feel their marketing monkeys need to move on why not email Paul Mason, the Director of Corporate Communications at VF, the conglomerate behind REEF and other well known brands. I'm sure he's keen to communicate.

St. Patrick Sells Surfing Shenanigans

March in Kernow is a bumper bonanza of a month for Beach Bum, birthdays and Celtic Saints. Nipper 1 turns eleven, Sea Nymph is still 34 tomorrow and like waiting for the bus, you get one Saint's Day at the beginning of the month and shortly thereafter, St.Paddy staggers up behind.

Of course the festival is a prime opportunity for shops to sell all manner of "toot" to all manner of fools. The mouse mat above is just one example. "Isn't everyone a surfer on St. Patrick's Day? Enjoy a wee bit of pub humour when this beer toting, surfing Irish leprechaun hangs ten on his shamrock surfboard." Feck off! Please go here and buy all their stock so we can have a ritual burning.

Ah well, "Happy Paddy's Day" to one and all. There's a little bit of the Green in us all - even this grumpy old Orangeman.

Happy Birthday Barbie - Love Beach Bum XX

Come on Barbie let's go party! You're 50 years old today and looking fitter than ever. I know my Action Man tried to grab you with his "realistic gripping hands" and wrap the joints of his legs around you in compromising positions but that was years ago and I say let bygones be bygones. He's asked me to say sorry and wants to know if you'll come over and wax his stick? (Don't bring Ken.)

Wacky Wetsuits - An Occasional Series

Surfing tries to sell everything but fortunately, not everything sells. Now that Beach Bum has installed his bookshelves, he has been busy restocking the library.

I can't throw anything out and flicking through some old magazines I spotted this Tiki beauty from a Wavelength edition dated March/April 1992.

The blurb alongside the ad reminded us that "Tiki has been in rubber since 1972" and that "our Professional designers, salesmen, staff and owners are all actively involved in surfing - surfing has always been in our roots. Tiki - a SALT WATER LEGEND. " We were urged to "check them out - there is NO ALTERNATIVE!"

Clearly the Tiki team were sniffing too much neoprene adhesive at work and going home to watch Dr.Who.

Exterminate, exterminate, exterminate!

Lowen Dydh sen Pyran (Happy St Piran's Day)

It's late, I've been swim training and I ache, ache, ache. I should have a Jamesons in one hand and a stiff drink in the other but I wanted to wish my blog buddies a "Happy St.Piran's Day." This, I realize, will mean little to most of them so read here and inwardly digest for the low down on the Saint with the stone from the surf.

On one hand, the increased attention that St.Piran's Day is getting in the media has me feeling like I do when I buy another Saint's (Valentine's Day) card for Sea Nymph. There's something contrived about it. Like watching coverage of St.Paddy's Day in New York when I was stuck in a factory in Ireland working my arse off.

On the other hand - the one that will shortly be holding a drink - I read a letter in the West Briton today from a woman called Demelza who claimed that the Cornish language is dead and that any attempt to speak it, encourage it or take it seriously is a waste of time. Demelza is a very Cornish name so perhaps she might think of changing her name to the Anglicised place name that it originates from? According to Demelza, we'd be better off learning French, German or Russian. Her tone reminded me of another type of "West Briton" - a term used (variously) to describe those "following British popular culture, while appearing embarrassed by or disdainful of aspects of Irish culture such as the Irish language or Gaelic games".

Like St.Piran, I'm another Irishman grateful to have found a home in Cornwall. There's a vibe here that's beyond my abilities to describe but let's say it sits well with my cultural sensibilities. Moreover, I reckon many of my English friends who've moved here have picked up on this too. It's an inclusive thing, this life on the Celitc fringe. Chill Demelza, chill.

International Oceanman Festival 2009 - Hossegor

"Weakness is just pain leaving the body". Once Upon A Time that was the favourite phrase of a stereotypically sadistic Sergeant Major grinding hopeful recruits for the Légion étrangère through their paces (and almost out of their minds). For me fortunately, memories that combine France with extreme physical activity are much more pleasurable...

...but for those of you with the skill, the body (& the requisite qualifications), may I suggest a long weekend courtesy of the Hossegor Sauvetage Côtier (Hossegor Lifesaving Club). Email hossegor.sauvetage@wanadoo.fr for more details or I can send you the bumph in English.