Monday, May 04, 2009

Tanning Beach Bum


"If you wear them, it will come" - "them" being board shorts and "it",the sun. I thought of this twist on the quote from Field Of Dreams the other day as I was being reprimanded by an ex-Marine for wimping out of my shorts and into jeans on a cold, wet Cornish morning. Marine man is convinced that the wearing of shorts is directly linked to the frequency of sunny days.

As befits a Beach Bum, it is true that come April, I make a point of wearing shorts whatever the weather. Sometimes, like last week, I backslide. Forgive me Ra, for I have sinned.

Perhaps my mate's onto something. We've been informed by the long range weather forecasters that we're in for a scorcher of a summer.To counter this theory, however, I bought Nipper 1 and me several pairs of well marked down Balin board shorts in Big Wednesday (cheapo surf shop in Truro) today but the sky stayed resolutely corpse grey - rather like my natural skin colour. There are many advantages that accompany the genetic heritage of the Celtic fringes but an all year round tan is not one of them.

Yes, when your complexion is Cornish pasty you have to work hard to maintaining that weather beaten, salt sprayed sexy perma-tan. That's why I was driven to open up my chain of Beach Bum Tanning Salons for a regular dose of UV. Honestly, slipping into a thong and purple tinted googles for some light toasting on a sheet or perspex never ceases to give me and my customers a grill thrill. Business has been booming and I've recently teamed up with the folks at Computertan, a bunch of brain boxes who've figured out a way to tweak your PC or laptop screen so that it transmits an appreciable amount of UV light so you can tan while you type. Bloody marvelous! Try your free session here!