Monday, December 10, 2007

Pro Surfer Or Oompa Loompa?

"A vast majority of surfers are built like sea turtles - short as hell. Most of the women are barely over 5 feet; many of the men are barely over 5-5 with wide torsos and really short legs and arms with wide hands like flippers, and long, rubbery spines that seem to have too many vertebrae, like the Ingres Odalisque. Extremely low center of gravity. The Brazilian pros are practically Oompa Loompas - they weigh little more than the chicks, and it does nothing but magical things for their wave ability."

I stumbled upon this wickedly descriptive prose by way of Charlie Don't Surf and his spleen venting
musings on surf journalism. Penned by one Cintra Wilson following some reportage at the Lacanau pro, France, way back in 1999, I insisted on reading out the following sample to Sea Nymph - twice.

"Brock Little looked like a piece of animated driftwood. He'd been absolutely chiseled by the teeth of the ocean, physically and spiritually -- he had the look of somebody who's died six or seven times already and is now a project of voodoo scientists, running on some whole other ghost chemical. All the blood in his body has been removed and replaced with concentrated adrenaline and a clear, high-octane bionic fluid made from denatured testosterone and the distilled essences of his dead friends, which makes him beautiful and creepy to look upon."

Cintra's original article
here for more of the same. Enjoy - I did.


nm said...

That was a great article! Had to re-read several paragraphs, as I was laughing too hard....

Beach Bum said...

Yeah - it had the same affect on me ... nice Pretzel pic btw!